Crisis of Self

I've been going through a crisis of self for a long time about my weight. At my highest I was 310lbs and that's not good. It's not healthy, it's not aesthetically pleasing and it's certainly not the way I want to be. I've done a few diets over the years and had results initially but started to have other problems. A few months ago I began looking into weight loss surgery (lap band) because I felt like I had no other option.

I realized a long time ago that my body functioned really well on low-carb eating. I just have more energy, my thoughts are clear, and my emotions are stable. The problem is that I like carbs a lot and I could probably eat pizza every day for the rest of my life and be completely happy. This last week I went back to low-carb eating and am feeling amazing.

I can't lie to myself any more and say that it didn't work, because it does, and I feel better doing it. But I'm so wrapped up in food that I want food more than I want health and I'm tired of that feeling. Honestly it makes me feel slimy! I mean, I'm so in love with food that I'd rather have it to the exclusion of my health and well-being? What does that say about me?

I realized that the only way out of that relationship is to get them out of my system and stop letting the carbs (in particular) control my emotions.

Granted, rapid weight loss is a bonus with low-carb and I'll admit to vanity, it's one reason I like it so much but there is so much more.

Right now I'm eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm satisfied, I'm not going long periods of time without food and I feel so much better.

I don't know the NT beliefs on doing low-carb since it is a diet but I think it's the best choice for me right now.

I've always believed in NT even when I just couldn't stick with it. I've carried the principles with me through everything and I think to some extent they have helped me to not get any bigger than I am now.

I think my biggest problem with eating is that I was always under the illusion that I didn't eat that much. I've been tracking what I've been eating lately and it's VERY enlightening .. scary actually. For me it's helping to bring an awareness to what goes into my body - an awareness I didn't have before. It's still very much in a diet mentality and I can handle that because 'fly by the seat of my pants' hasn't gotten me anywhere yet.