A Strange New Thing

My Mom called yesterday and said that my granny was in the hospital and not expected to live. I'm not close to my granny but it was hard for my Mom and so I went to be with her through all this - even my Mom isn't that close but it's still her Mother.

I have been staying on plan but it's been hard. I just want to dive into the familiar and comfortable food. It's tough .. really tough. I'm tired and I'm worried and I'm just stressed. I will see what my weight is on Friday when I return home .. but it should be OK. I've been doing good with my eating.

Blah.

I haven't exercised since Saturday and strangely I'm missing it. I will do it tomorrow when I get home from Mom's and I'm looking forward to it.

What a week ...

Update: 1/29/2007

My granny is getting worse and we elected to put her on what is called 'comfort care' -- basically she's off all machines and is just getting morphine for the pain as she dies.

It's really hit home to me that people don't plan for accidents or death nearly well enough. It's one thing to say you want a DNR order when you into the hospital and another entirely to deal with everything that comes BEFORE that. There is so much the Doctor's and nurses can do for you that makes you comfortable yet also prolongs your life. It's just a strange thing to deal with. It's made me more motivated to have a living will made out so that I can help my family if they are put into this situation with me. It's morbid to think about but necessary.

-=-

My Aunt is also doing low-carb and she basically said that because of all the stress of my granny in the hospital that she's not on plan because it's just too hard. It was really a slap in the face to me because I've said the same things in the past. I'm so good at finding reasons to support my wanting to cheat and when I heard her say that I realized how flimsy it sounded.

I can't control my Granny dying, or my Mom hurting, or anything like that but I CAN control what I put into my body. Strangely I've found it rather easy to stick to my guns and just eat on plan - even though I've WANTED to eat everything in site I knew it wouldn't make me feel better.

I feel so relieved by that realization. I feel like I'm actually moving forward in my growth.

Update: 1/30/2007


My Mom called this morning and said that Granny died last night. It's sad but at the same time I know it's for the best. The Dr. said that even if they'd gone through all the live-saving measures that her quality of life (if she survived) would have been very poor. Including requiring a tracheotomy and likely bed bound. She wouldn't have been happy and neither would we have been happy. It's for the best.

I think it's really for the best. She wasn't healthy and I'm fairly sure she wasn't happy so hopefully she's in a better place.

I'm down 15lbs for the month of Feb. I feel really good about that. I'm eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm satisfied - I'm also eating quality foods. Amazing how the pieces fall together so easily some times and not at all at others.

I'm also trying to cut down on my diet soda -- I just drink way too much. I still drink water too but a lot of soda too. I don't think it's good for me. I'm not cutting it out because I enjoy it but cutting it in half and that's good for now.