Two Steps Forward

I took a couple steps backward yesterday with my eating. I hadn't eaten much yesterday and then I took a brisk 30 minutes walk and when I got home I thought I was going to die. I've been doing <20>

I got home and collapsed on the couch for a couple hours then succumbed to pizza. I felt a lot better afterwards and even today so that's annoying. I hate that I felt better (physically) after eating carbs. I know it's my body and it's doing what it's supposed to but it's annoying me. I wanted to feel yucky and then it would be more of a reminder not to eat that way.

I think part of the problem wasn't so much that I've been doing low-carb but that I'm not really all that hungry. Between low-carb and my medication I really don't eat that much lately and despite my wanting of food because it smells or looks good I'm not actually hungry. Who'da thunk this would ever be a problem?

That said, I really wish I were hungry. I posted briefly about this in my question to Lani in another thread.

Now I need to figure out how to get rid of that weak feeling after moving my body and yet not get sucked into carbs.

I'm determined that I'm going to get this weight off for good because I'm worth more than all that weight and every pound I've ever gained or lost.

I think one of my struggles right now is the struggle between wanting all the weight off yesterday and knowing that I need to do this right so that it becomes a permanent part of my life and not just another "diet".

The more questions I answer the more questions I have ...

Update: 1/16/2007

What I've learned recently ... constantly testing your boundaries doesn't make you smarter, it just makes you dumb. :p

Last Monday I inhaled a few slices of pizza and some candy and my weight went up 3.5 lbs. I'm FINALLY back down to where I was pre-inhalation. I would have been back quicker but I'm constantly toeing the line and wondering why I'm not getting anywhere.

Why do I do this? Why do I not accept that I can't eat the way everyone else does and that my body can't tolerate it. Why must I put myself through this all the time? It's really crippling.

That said, I got a new SIGG water bottle. It's really nifty. It's made of aluminum so it doesn't leach into the water. Plus it's a pretty teal color. *G*

I like to think think I have been eating better lately because I'm not eating the junk and I'm eating lean proteins and vegetables and these are good things. It's the junk that I want which is why it's the junk I'm inhaling.

I have made some modifications to what I'm eating because I'm trying to make this a lifetime plan. I think when I start craving oatmeal there is something going on in my body and I need to listen to it. The problem is that it's a slippery slope for me. I don't seem to be able to just have that oatmeal and go on .. it's oatmeal, then it's a sandwich, then it's the sugar and junk and so on until I'm fully saturated again.

It's one of the reasons why I always struggled so much with NT. Even the "healthy" foods triggered all these mad responses in me and made me binge on foods that don't work for my body. Fruits and bread (even good Ezekiel bread) are the worst for me so I elected to cut them out because I knew how I reacted and I hate that I have to do that but it seems like the only way.

It's easier for me to have none than to limit it. Of course that does mean that every so often I veer off course and dive headfirst into pizza - it's almost always pizza btw.

I don't know, I'm just frustrated most of the time.